I grew up in a home without any religious instruction so I have always been free regarding spiritual things. I have always sensed there must be a spiritual world and a god of some sort. Ever since I was in junior high school I had dreams or flashes of some thought and these would actually take place. The most vivid dream concerned my falling off a building, in great pain and feeling very fold. I actually saw myself lying on the street in front of the building. Since I had this dream I was very careful for the next two days, but nothing happened. I had the same dream a number of times and by the third day I thought it would be okay. However, I got drunk that night, somehow fell out of the third floor and ended up in the hospital for two months. Having such dreams I sensed there is some kind of spiritual force and at times wonder if there are not other worlds with life on them.
My junior high school volleyball coach was a Christian. Coach Uchiyama was a very strict coach at practice and I remember being in tears at times. But after practice he was a very kind and wonderful man.. I remember very clearly when he invited the entire volleyball club to a Christmas service at a church. I had a male friend on the club and my impression of the service was that it was very romantic. I still can recall hearing the hymns of " Joy to the world" and " Silent Night". Coach Uchiyama would invite us to his house and I had a great impression of him as a Christian. That was my only contact with Christianity.
Since I have been at Fairlea Prison I have read many books by the Japanese Christian author, Mrs. Ayako Miura. From these books I have become very aware of the sinfulness of mankind in all their selfishness, greed, and hatred. Her books often deal with the self-centeredness of humans and I read these books with great sadness and compassion for such people. I realize that I have been self-centered, but I really have not tried to hurt people. I have tried to be kind and good to others. I can recall when I stole a boy form another girl, but this was done in innocence. I did not know that he was the other girl's boyfriend. I have lent out many things which were never returned. People often have said bad things about me but I have been able to shrug such things off. But I know that mankind is sinful and I am included in that number.
Working in a pub, I often get drunk, but I do not share my true feelings. I know I am a very selfish person. I am quite strong with alcohol so I have tended to drink a lot, not to offend the customers. At times I would drink so much and get drunk. I would have a hang-over for two days. I do not want to do this kind of thing any more. When I return to Japan I desire a new life.
With the influence of reading these Christian books and reading some of the New Testament, I started to pray in the name of Jesus. At the end of May, 1993 I began these prayers. I had asked Rev. Young how to pray and he gave me some pointers. Now I can thank God for all the good things. I pray that He will protect me. I thank Jesus for my salvation and forgiveness of sins. I confess my sins daily. I also pray for others and other matters. I pray daily before going to bed. I am now writing letters to my friends in Japan and tell them that I am reading the Bible and praying for them. Obviously, they find this very strange, but they are happy for me.
Recently I have begun to read the New Testament more frequently and I have read through Romans. I thought Romans was the most wonderful book so far. It was very difficult, but I would re-read passages that did not make sense. Slowly I came to understand what was being said. There are two passages in Romans that I especially like. The first is Romans 5:1-5 which has given me a present hope and a future hope. I can see that there is a purpose in being here because God is teaching me perseverance and character. The other passage is Romans 12:19-21 where it says that God will be the judge to carry out revenge. A number of years ago, my father was killed by two men. They were given only four years and are now free. It has been difficult to forgive these men, but from these verses I can see that I am not so seek revenge. God will perform righteous judgment upon the wicked and as I think of my present situation, I can only think that if Charlie in Kuala Lumpur set this up, that God will carry out the final justice. I can just leave that up to God. I am grateful to God for His salvation and I pray for His help. To those who read this or hear it, please pray for us that our trial which begins in February of 1994 will be upheld by truth. Thank you for your concern.
H.M. Fairlea Prison